[I wrote this a bit ago, and thankfully the circumstances in it no longer apply. I put up an earlier version of it on Tumblr and I've also rambled on about A Little Life anonymously elsewhere.]( Read more... )
I’ve been in a mild depression lately and most of the writing I’ve done over the last two weeks has been disorganized and incomplete: snippets rather than stories. None of it is for anyone else and none of it even could be for anyone else, because it’s all disgustingly well-tailored to my own sloppy emotional needs and, even beyond that, thoroughly rooted in intensely designed AUs of canon that are vivid to me and undoubtedly ridiculous and unrecognizable to anyone else. Even my wife thinks they’re self-indulgent. But what they all are, when you come right down to it, is a very particular brand of hurt/comfort.
I’m especially brutal to my favorite characters when I’m depressed, because, dammit, I just want to read about well-deserved comfort, and I don’t have the time or even the emotional complexity in these periods to work out how to do this in any kind of subtle, plausible way that would actually be consistent with good, emotionally nuanced writing. This isn’t the time for that. This is the time for “the characters have inexplicably been kidnapped by torturers with some random and likely unmentioned motivation.” It’s the time for impractical kidnappings, for (at least feigned) betrayal, for public humiliation, for strange magical harms done to people in decidedly non-magical canons. I find this soothing.